Communication 101

Has this year felt like teachers and students are speaking two different languages? I remember a book called Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. So where are students from? It’s possible they are from the world of Social Media and Virtual Land. As you reflect on the good old days of the mute button, let’s take a breath.

A very important lesson I learned this year is clear communication. So often students do something like humming that bothers another person. I ask them, “Did you tell them to stop?” “No, they KNOW they are bothering me,” they say. When I ask how they know, the student says, “They know.” There was a time when students assumed the best intentions and not that we could read minds. Now students lash out. It may be yelling, throwing something, or walking out of class. 

While doing restorative practices at school, I hear a lot of different conflicts. Let me share this recent story of some third grade students who came to me for mediation. The female student said, “It all started because (a male student) said that all girls are complicated.” She was hurt and really mad. So I asked her what that meant? She said, “I don’t know, but something not nice.” I went on to explain that it means he thinks girls are hard to understand. She said, “Oh really?!” I asked her why she didn’t ask him what he meant. She said, “Because I thought he was being mean.” This is just one example of a conflict because kids really didn’t understand what was being said.

The most important thing that I want everyone to understand is that mindreading only happens on X-Men. Tell people what is bothering you with clear statements such as, “I don’t like when you touch my hair. Please stop.” I will often ask a student if they understand and to repeat what I said.

Don’t be afraid to ask for clarity. Let’s move with grace and good intentions.

Written by: Trinisa Brown, Dean of Culture, City Neighbors Charter School